What really happened that first flying lesson
by snubble-bubble
Summary: lololololololololol


What really happened that first flying lesson.  
  
As per usual these characters aren't mine! They are the creations of the amazing J.K (damn!) Also praise the T.V show will and Grace, if you like it too tell me in your review, and thanks to the crap film Legally Blonde which I can take the piss out of. I was watching the movie Harry Potter the other day and just cracked up laughing when I heard the broomstick lesson, come on with a sick mind like mine you just imagine what went on behind the cameras. For all those innocent people without sick minds (how do you get through the day!) here is my interpretation of the flying lesson. If anyone else has any scenes they would like cleared up or translated review this and I promise to write them up for you. Next in the series is 'potions lesson-Potter or Malfoy.'  
  
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" Oh goody," said Harry with a spring in his step. " Just what I've always wanted. To make an arse of myself on Malfoy's broomstick.I mean to make a fool of myself on a broomstick *in front* of Malfoy. I must have gotten up to quickly," Harry said, blushing. Hermione's eyebrows rose so they were of her head (AN had to get eyebrows in somewhere) did Harry just say what she thought he said; the look on Ron's face confirmed her thoughts. " I wish," muttered Malfoy, who had listened to *all* of Harry's speech. He sighed and walked stealthily outside. ~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Their teacher, Madam Hooch, arrived. Her grey hair was very ruffled and her breathing was heavy. Her lipstick wasn't were it should be (AN you could so see this happening, then professor McGonagall running up and giving her her false teeth) " Good afternoon class," Madam Hooch said with a glint in her eye as she gazed over her un expecting victims. She seemed to have great pleasure pulling on her leather gloves, Hermione could have sworn she licked her teeth and raised her eyebrow at her; maybe she needed an eye test. (AN yeah right it was all in Hermione's head, Hooch wouldn't be that desperate. Does the teeth licking remind you of anything soda)  
  
Harry gave a jealous stare as Hooch eyed up Draco, he could have sworn Malfoy gave a yelp of delight. He'll do more than that when I get my hands on him Harry thought (AN down boy, take deep calming breaths) "Welcome to your first flying lesson my absolute pretties," Ron could detect a devious smile as her eyes lit up at the sight of him. (Even though little did he know that Draco was behind him) " I knew that working out would be good if I just thought about it, even if it is Professor," " Well what are you waiting for, get to your broomstick," Hooch barked. Harry looked down at the pile of twigs and gave a short laugh. God if he was only alone with a particular blonde haired git. He could practice his broom control. (AN author chokes on her evil laugh.must work on that)  
  
" Stick your right hand over your broom and say up.however difficult that may be for some of you. Neville," " Okay I can do this, just think of something else.not that. Up," " Well, well Mister Potter, I see you are an expert at, raising to the occasion. Take a look at Mister Potter's everyone, especially you Mister Malfoy. You seem to be a bit limp, maybe Harry could give you lessons on how to mount." (AN sorry all the Draco fans, as we all know Malfoy could never be limp) Harry decided he didn't like Hooch, calling his bunny honey limp. (AN honey makes me hyper hehehehehehehe) Hermione's hadn't even gone up, nor had Neville's; they were a match made in heaven. Maybe broomsticks were like instruments, you have to know how to work them (AN and always work on your fingering)  
  
" Now once you've got hold of your broom I want you to mount it, and grip it tight.you don't want to go sliding of the end," Now that would be a shame Hooch thought. Madam Hooch walked up and down the rows, correcting their.tight grips. Harry had second thoughts about Malfoy when Hooch told him he'd been doing it wrong all these years. Might be good for a cheap fuck though, Harry would have thought he could have stayed the distance. Such a waste. " When I blow my whistle. I love cold objects, I want you to kick of from the ground hard, keep your brooms steady, hover for a moment, then lean forward and touch back down. God this sounds just like horizontal folk dancing," The crowd was silent. (AN except Neville, who as he took hold of his own un-cooperating broom *wink*, pondered whether Hermione would do that dance with him)  
  
" On my whistle then Malfoy," Was that a nervous twitch Malfoy saw, or just a wink.hold on he thought that should have been the other way round. " One.two.three.gooooo!" Neville shot of in his daydream about Hermione and their dance. He hadn't meant to kick off so hard but he had gotten carried away when he was practicing for the dance. " Mr. Longbottom, I would never have thought it would be you who impressed me. If you don't come back this instant I shall have to punish you, you naughty animal," " But I can't miss," " Very well, you'll learn the hard way, I'll go and get the.punishing tools," She said this as soon as Neville came in to land on a heap by her feet.  
  
" My wrist, it hurts," he said crying about the thought of not being able to dance (AN shut up voice 3, I don't want to dance to Kylie, I don't dance with girls! .Well not that sort of dancing) " Oh blast, it's broken. Your damaged goods.unless. I'm sure you can dance with just one hand. Now where did I put that whip and handcuffs," Hooch said while dragging a bewildered Neville of to her love nest. (AN for anyone that cares the handcuffs are pink leather) Madam Hooch turned round with a smile on her still smudged lips, "You can all fly around when I'm not here, have fun," under her breath she was singing a tune which went, " More kids to punish, get to use the whip Draco is special he can get the works,"  
  
Draco sauntered up to his adoring fans, hips swaying from side to side, his white studded belt showed from under his robes, " Thank god I was right," muttered Harry as he confirmed his suspicions that Draco flew for both teams. Malfoy leaned over picking up Neville's remembrall, thinking back to his all time favourite movie, Legally Blonde, bend and snap bend and snap. " Yep, he knows the gay's fave movie, and he does a very good snap," (AN for those people who haven't seen L.B the bend and snap is a movement that you bend slowly down, picking something up, then snapping up thrusting your breasts, or in this case groin as you come up) " Oh I have to like get to a mirror I think my hair is out of place, it's not in it's allotted position, and don't get me started on hair number 89," Malfoy muttered as he reached for a hankie to wipe the sweat from his forehead.  
  
" Did you see his face maybe if the fat lump had given this a squeeze he would have remembered to land on his fat arse," Malfoy let out a perfect evil laugh. " I'd love to squeeze it.I mean.Give it here Malfoy," Potter was definitely feeling the heat. Hopefully Draco also watched Will and Grace and had learned how to speak their language. Give it here meant, your hot, fancy getting it on at my dorm, you bring the safety I bring the food and drink. Don't forget the cream.  
  
" No, I think I'll leave it somewhere for Longbottom to find, how about on the roof," Harry couldn't help but love the way Malfoy stood there with his hand on his hip, throwing the ball up and down staring into Harry's eyes. (AN have to moan here, in the movie how many times are they flipping going to change the colour of Harry's eyes.) Harry didn't care that that meant, fuck off and bite me, to him it meant chase me you bad boy. Game on Harry thought. Malfoy had already got on his broom giving a backward glance at Harry. Draco was an excellent flier, you know what they say about good fliers.Draco hadn't been lying when he'd told Harry he could fly really well when they had *accidentally* bumped into each other outside Harry's room.  
  
" What's the matter Potter, bit beyond your reach.but don't worry I am not, meow," Draco said making a cat noise and clicking his tongue. Harry lit up with pleasure as he jumped on his broom to meet his love, ignoring the screams of Hermione, who he knew fancied him. What could he say, he was God's gift to everything; men, women, and hey even animals. Hedwig has photos to prove this point. (AN can so see soda's patented eyebrow thing right *here*) As he got closer to Malfoy his scar hurt, telling him that some interesting things were about to happen. With all the strength he could muster, Harry said, " Give it here Malfoy our I'll knock you of your broom," " Is that so," Draco gasped, clutching the ball.  
  
" Have it your way then," He sent the remembrall soaring through the air. As Harry whizzed past him he yelped with glee as he got to witness Harry's excellent broom control. When Harry had touched back down he saw Draco come in to land near him. He crept over to the covered walkway where Draco had taken up residence. " Potter, I was most impressed with your broom handling, maybe tonight you could hunt for my two snitches or show me how to mount a broom properly, I'll be waiting," Malfoy turned and swaggered of, leaving Harry stunned. " Potter one for the road," He glided back up to Harry and pushed his sharp little tongue into Harry's amazed mouth, as if searching for something. After a few minutes of tongue massaging he drew back, " There's plenty more where that came from,"  
  
  
  
  
  
If you would like a deeper insight into my mind and would like me to carry on with this story say so in your review. Thank you and good night. Oh, and by the way Soda, could you drool a little louder? I don't think the peeps in Australia can quite hear you. 


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